Monday, February 13, 2012

I’m an expert. Didn’t you know?

So a few friends and I were part of a web site at one point If you’ve read Cliff’s site on a regular basis for awhile you’ll know which site it is. Apparently they’ve been ‘updating’ their web site. Which seems to be mostly broken now. I grabbed a smidgen of their web site before it crashed again and have a few laughs about it. I’m not going to link to their site, or even quote them, I’m just going to mock them.

As an aside guys... I just want to you know I am starting a new business because I'm an expert gynaecologist. I've seen a lot of vagina in my day, enough where I can call myself an expert (I think my wife will agree with me here), I've gotten some very very positive feedback from her, enough where I will tout my vagina prowess and help those in need. Worried about your vagina? Let me take a look, do some testing which may take a few weeks because I may have to send your vagina off to several people (some of whom are vagina haters and will probably have nothing nice to say about it anyway) and I'll write up a professional report (filled with big words I do not understand) this also will take some weeks and which will make your vagina sound very dry and boring. Oh and don't forget to pay me I AM an expert and I do love vaginas, so it makes sense to do this. If you disagree with me you obviously hate vaginas.

And for those interested in hiring me to look at, and do professional testing of, your vagina I will not accept substandard vaginas. Your vagina must meet my rigid standard of vaginas. If less than what I demand I will not look at your vagina! No matter how much money you pay me. I am not for sale! I am not a money whore, I am a man of principle and I will not be swayed by any old vagina.

About me: I have spent the greater portion of my life in love with vaginas, I have relentlessly stalked pursued my dream in finding the best vaginas I can. I am the beating ‘heart’ and ‘brain’ behind this venture and I will make this work.

So yeah. That’s the mockery I have for today. Carry on.


  1. While that was funny, it fell at least 30 superfluous commas short of being a true parody.

  2. Also, it needs to be a lot more shonky.